l_______l Like an empty cup.

Work voids me from life. The things I want to do.

It sucks that I still have 1 month to go for full time work, when I'm just part-time all because they need someone.
Yes, even if my job is well-paying, relaxing, and everyone there takes care of me well. 
School's better, at least you have your friends there with you and at least look forward to sleep in the morning on a weekend.
But for work, when you mess up, you have to get on your knees and clear up the shit.

You know it's a love-hate relationship when you always dread work the night before, and it's totally fine the next day. It's clearly obvious about which side I'm standing on right now.

//
I thought I was over you yesterday, but today, I realised I was wrong. And then it repeats again, and again, and again, and again. I really wonder what's on your mind, your feelings, whether you moved on, or anything. I don't want to post about how I feel too much, because you don't. And that always leaves me hanging. Yeah I know I don't have the right to know, but I guess I still care no matter what. Sometimes I have the urge to text you, but I'll just restrain myself from grabbing the phone. Maybe I'd hate to see your reply, because you might just reply me out of courtesy. But sometimes I hate you. The environment at work reminds me of you, because I was there when I'm down at my worst, thinking the whole time.
Maybe, that's why I share a love-hate relationship towards work.

However, the cycle stops, and then goes on again. When can this stop for good? I'm trying to destroy this cycle but I can't.

It's suffocating, this whole thing. It's like work. I'm made to sit there the whole time, without moving around a lot. The air-con chills me to the bone. I feel like sleeping but I can't. It feels as though I'm just waiting for my working time to end. But it feels like forever. And all I do is to just stay there and wonder about it. It's just the same. 


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Sometimes I just wish you could tell me what's wrong wherever and whenever. Not to just be tight-lipped about it. Maybe you're used to bottling your feelings up, and I can't force you.
I just want someone whom I can talk to about anything in the world, and he/she would do just the same. It's like I'm the one spilling everything out most of the time.



Disoriented post, but it doesn't matter. More of a rant. And maybe my life now.

The real life me, and virtual me are totally different.
The real life me shows more of my personality, and the virtual me shows more of my thoughts and feelings.
That's why I seem okay. But maybe I'm not, or I refuse to accept the fact that my feelings are wrong.
It's okay.


It's 12.30AM, gotta wake up in 8 hours' time.
Goodnight.

At least I'd still wake up to morning texts, and sleep to goodnight wishes. But it's different huh.