If we ever meet again

Gonna party like, like it's 2012 - IT IS ALREADY!

2012-01-02T08:54:00.000-08:00

I am not gonna start off with a formal post. I am not gonna type it in sequence and gonna be as random as I can. I am not gonna bother about any kind of mistakes here, be it, spelling, grammatical or whatever shits.

You can pretty much say that I'm banging my head on the keyboard as I'm typing this 24y2bjldaklbdvyasivfsf
I still have a few post in owing, like, I meant to blog it but I took 3 hours and only 1/4 is done. SO LIKE HECK IT.

What can I say about 2011...... I'm pretty sure what thoughts I'm about to type out right now are not my full, complete thought. Basically, 2011 was just a year to go with the flow~ ~ ~ Stay positive. Me and the world. So much so that I cannot remember the things that I've learnt or done. It's just like- blink. Poof. It just went off like that.
2011..... I've met a lot of people, and made many new friends. I wouldn't say that I've lost some friends..... Is it wrong for me to think that I've totally expected how things have turned out right now? I will talk about it in a while later.

Not gonna recap major events that happened, just gonna be random shits right now. I'm just gonna type out what changed me. School life, I'm adapting quite well in poly right now, to the lifestyle and all that. And I'm happy that I'm finding joy in my position. Before that, I was afraid that I would miss secondary school life very badly as the campus lifestyle is totally different. (But that does not mean that I'm not missing it right now, though.) I'm actually still not sure about my place in AMS, but I'm gonna try to excel anyway. I may just choose a different route in a future, I don't know. But I have faith in the future that holds, in the place where God wants me to be in.

Friends...... So poly. At first, it was an alienic environment to be in. Many faces, many strangers, many familiar strangers, like, you see them around often enough to remember their face. And then you'll say hi or maybe smile at some people from your secondary school, which you never did in secondary school before. It's just that, bumping into such people makes the environment much warmer, because they're familiar.

However, I chose to change that and participated in a CCA for the sake of meeting new people, embracing TP to become a more warmer place to be in. And I've never regretted that I'm part of the TP wolves.......... :') I realise that it's the people that gives me the strength to go for training. I would have quit a long time ago if not for the girls I met there : ) Anyway talking about my social life........
I don't know the position I'm in right now.

Sometime in May, I've received a phonecall from Fauzul, him asking me to help him out and be a Group Leader. And that is when my camp spree started. At first, I was super reluctant. Then I just agreed just for the sake of helping him out.

It was a big camp, ESC camp, with only 3 Group Leaders handling up to 50 people..... which is massive. Not to mention, there were Year 1, 2 and 3s in the camp.. And out of the 12 group leaders, there were only two Year 1s.
I was a greenhorn, so he paired me up with Razmi and Zaini (power duo I swear, they're unstoppable) which have much more experience and both SUPER HILARIOUS. So basically, they were the ones hyping up everything and I'm just like in the shadows cheering along. It was, hard, delegating that way. So I just did all those backhand administrative stuffs, and interact individually or in small groups.
And engine school being engine school..... All of them (group leaders and perhaps other sections) knew each other in one way or another, so they were all cracking jokes and laughing..... and i'm just there sitting down and feeling out of place. Tried to find comfort with those who are not that close to them and all.It was weird the first few times...... then I felt okay. So yeah.....
And I felt uncomfortable and felt like I didn't have the courage and quirkiness to just come up with a fun/funny cheer on the spot, when they asked me to cheer infront of everyone. I was prompted a few times, but it was just hard to...... And I just kept turning to the other experienced GLs for help. I felt stressed and like a failure in hyping up.

And yet, I received the 'Best GL' together with Kris, another Year 1. I guess it was just a form of encouragement. But I'm thankful, yet embarrassed knowing inside that it was just some 'consolation'.

However, I managed to talk to and know a few people under my empire. However from the start, some were people whom I knew but barely talk to.... Like Leonil. Hahaha.

But from there, I was wishing that I would never join in camps like these again.

Then, right after ESC camp ended..... a Year 3 under my empire, who just joined the camp for fun, Thiam Boon, talked to me... About being a diploma head for the Oct Orientation. Basically, the job of a diploma head is to facilitate the movement of a group with a walkie talkie and hype up the people a bit. I was given another opportunity to be involved in camps.... however, I was quite reluctant to. I was thinking that i'm gonna be stuck in this vicious cycle in camps. I was too bummed out to attend camps because I'd have to go for meetings and such before the actual camp. He was persuading me, and he did a very good job at it. At first, I can't bear to reject his offer and kept telling him to give me some time. But in the end....... I gave in.

And I can safely say that, I didn't regret it at all..... And I won the best diploma head *ego boost* Despite me..... being anti-social, whatsapping the fb girls most of the time at the corner of the room charging my phone.... and not being like, 'people's favourite' where you can talk to everyone and make everyone laugh, those kinda people you knw? However, it was more deserving, and I felt like I did my job.

Oh and before Oct orientation camp, I went for the SME camp...... because Edmund and Denzel convinced me to go. AND IT WAS GOOD. Nuff said. The theme of it is like clubbing, and all the groups were named after clubs and all hahahahah and my group name was ATTICA.

Okay.... I ended up talking about my experience on camps. My point was to talk about people whom I met in camps. The thing is...... they are fun people. I can talk to them and we can just sit there and laugh. But that is just in the moment kinda thing. Because after the camp, I know that I wouldn't really talk or hang out with them. And that doesn't meet the purpose of 'making new friends'. Isn't friends people you can talk to, hang out with and all? Like, when we're back in school and out of camps, at the most we just say hi to each other and chat a little bit. And then we split ways.
At first, I admit, I was feeling good about seeing many familiar faces and saying hi as I walk down the engine concourse.... And then, awhile later...... I thought. I mean.... sure, if we have the chance and time, I can just sit there and talk to them. But we don't even hang out and such.... so they are not friends right? The relationship is not at all intimate (in a friend way, of course) It's just.... many hi-bye friends. I don't really like that.............

And i've just recently attended this camp called OTC, as a GL. It's a camp to be GLs for the next freshmen orientation camp and workshop. However, this camp is super different from the rest.
FO is like, in April's time? And I'm with this empire, CESTA.
When I went for the OTC interview, I went there just to try out for an interview and at the same time, I really want to experience the camp as I heard that it was damn good and fun. (I signed up for FOC last year, but I gave it a miss then)
But little did I know, there are actually commitments to being a GL in OTC. Being the GL is to give the freshmen the best experience. That is one commitment.
But I never knew that the time from the end of OTC all the way to the start and beyond of FO, each empire would have to go out and bond with each other. Like, to arrange meetups, and just have fun. And from what I heard, if you're more of those reserved people who don't fit well, you'll get kicked out of the whole camp.
So I guess the point is for each and one of us to bond, so much so, that we're bonded enough to give the freshmen a good experience.
And it's like, about 50 GLS handle one empire of 100. Totally different from ESC! (3 vs 50)

No doubt, there'll be cliques in the empire. But I just hope that I could connect to people in the empire..... and eventually make friends that I could keep. They're having outings and such soooo. yeah. I have no clue what's in store for me. As for now, I'm just hanging with this girl, Eveline. She's sort of like, my 'buddy buddy' in the empire. The one I stick with luh. But obviously, we're still not close enough to be friends... and I hope we'll know each other better as time comes. And that applies to the rest of my empire too : ) and also, thank God Huzyer is in my empire too!

I just hope that I won't get outcasted or anything. I don't mean to boast or anything, but I can't deny that I'm quite honoured to receive the best GL for my empire. I was too shocked when Glenda announced my name when she was about to announce the best GL for cesta. Everyone in my empire was chanting Weiwen's name.... because he's seriously an epic hilarious dude who contributes to cesta's cheers and laughter. While, I just... I don't know what I did there. Maybe I just took the initiative to lead cheers a few times. And that moment when I used my butt to think, to attempt to hype up the half dead people in the LT.... I was in fact quite embarrassed that I failed at it. But really. Anyway, there's no such thing as the 'best GL' as I'm pretty sure that everyone has tried to take the initiative one way or another. And there was this 2nd night, the htht night....... where we thrashed talked from 12am-3am. It was because my empire got 4th, which took us by surprise. So the night...... was emotionally charged. Adam, who is like the delegate of the group, gave us a talk to all of us and he was very disappointed.... because he's a year 3, and he should not be the one who's always taking the initiative to lead. However, at one point, he commended me by saying that 'I had 10 balls to lead in the LT of half dead people' and that's something to be commendable about. From there, I just stood up and immediately say what I thought, really. Like, we can't always be relying on people like Adam, and all those who stepped up to lead. All of us are in group leaders, and we are all equal. And at one point, I even insulted our group..... (And I hope that cesta wouldn't hate me for that)
And later on, many other people just stood up and spoke what they thought.... ande people teared and then we all gave each other a hug to encourage ourselves for the last day. THAT is how serious. Maybe it's because we've worked so much, and we just physically and mentally worn ourselves out from the camp.

This shit is serious, really. So yup, I hope that I'll be able to make friends (okay, i sound so despo) and not just like, hi-bye friends.

Okay, this post is more on like, school camps and my life.
Guess I'll post up pictures and blog about other things another day, and guess what, I took 1 hour to type all these out. Time to sleep, to ready myself for school.
Peace out.

Pictures pictures pictures.

2011-09-27T01:09:00.000-07:00

Overdued pictures!

P1105 chalet!

ESC AND SME CAMP IN RANDOM ORDER.

This is like the only ESC picture I could find. Only got group leaders photo. Haha.

JUST ANOTHER CHALET!

HAPPY FAMILY!

Need for inspiration.

2011-08-26T11:38:00.000-07:00

Random thoughts.

I think I have figured out why the number of times I've blogged is constantly decreasing in gradient year by year.

That shows that I'm less eager or interested in my life as every year pass. It's a sad thing. It goes to show that things are getting seriously mundane in my life right now.

In the past years, I used to blog about anything and everything, no matter how random or stupid it gets. However, I don't even bother to think about anything that has happened in the day because it's always the same old thing - school school school studies studies studies.

But adversely in the past years, I didn't put studies into focus and end up getting bad grades. Gahhh, can't have the best of both worlds.

The strange thing is that I've seemed to accept how my life is leading now, like I'm used to it. I really could go on with my life right now, where most of my problems comes from studying and various commitments in my life such as floorball church and other occasional stuff like jobs, camps or even meeting up with friends I don't get to see that often for a simple thing like having a meal, or movie or bowling together. Anything.

But the problem is, because of these fixed, rigid nature of these stuff, I tend to let things come at my way. Like, to go with the flow. And then I can get on happily while at the same time dealing with studies and time constraints.

But it's at times like now, that I realised.
What do I really want? Am I really steering my life the right way?

The things I'm doing now, are really boring. That's what I would say a few years ago. But right now, I can really accept it. But right now, deep down, I know I want something more. What do I want? I really don't know. But it's just that I want something. I want something that can make me feel motivated.

Motivation for a passion, and motivation for good grades are two different feelings. Both are good in their own ways. But it seems that I'm out of balance.

Maybe... it's just that I don't want to grow up too quick. The fact that I'm able to accept something so boring and mundane as normal shows that I'm growing up. The sound of it scares the other side of me, the other fun side of me.

At this age, I just want to do what I'm supposed to do. I don't know if my mind got influenced from all those teenage shows or whatnot but it seems like they've experienced so much more.

I really want all that. But of course, some things are deemed bad... and I have my personal restrictions. I should be thankful.... but sometimes restrictions, restricts me.
Or maybe that's the nature of Singapore. It's too small, which makes it boring.

And also, I believe, not having someone to yearn for, makes my life more boring.
I don't know, but that's just the way it is.
And sometimes, I don't know why I'm wishing or waiting for something that would never happen. I'm not doing anything.

Then again, it's the same old thing.

I don't think I have done enough to get what I want. Really.
I want something to look forward to. Something special...... I don't know. No skills.... no interests... Nothing.

I NEED PASSION.

Beside You

2011-08-12T20:13:00.001-07:00

LIBRARY ROLLERCOASTA

2011-06-30T06:08:00.000-07:00

Hahahahahahahahhaha forever using Raziv's photobooth in the lib.

One of those nights again.

2011-06-15T11:24:00.000-07:00

The awkward moment when you forgot someone from your past.
The awkward moment when you discovered a time that you shared with that someone.
The awkward moment when the feeling comes gushing back.
The awkward moment when it suddenly stops halfway, and you realise that he/she seems like a total stranger.
The awkward moment when you realise that you're so caught up on the current life that you have now.
The awkward moment when you know that you can't go back to what it was anymore.
The awkward moment when you realise that you've changed too.
The awkward moment when the feeling of moving forward just pulls ahead.
The awkward moment when you realise that you've sunken into a deep wave of nostalgia.

Nostalgia isn't always good.
It relieves the good and bad memories. And memories are interlinked with the present.
Take this for example.
If you had a bad memory with someone that you still keep in close contact with, it'll naturally turn into a good one.
However, if you had a good memory with someone that you've drifted off, it just makes you sink in that heavy feeling. And it makes you think.
Wondering if things could go back to the way it is. Wondering how the person is doing.
Especially if it's someone whom you know is impossible to get back with.
You'll just have to throw the remaining pieces of memories out of your life.
And for some annoying reason, the negative part of nostalgia stands out.

I miss the good old people, then and now. And I know that I'm going out with these people during my holidays.
People who can't make time for me are not worth it.
People who can't make time for me, but could for others should be forgotten.
There may be reasons, but for now I'm just saying it as what I see.

Good day tmrw with the best people in my life. Bring on the sun.

Poly life in pixels

2011-05-28T05:28:00.000-07:00

I guess I need some pictures to brighten up my blog!
Pictures in no random order.

These are only some of the pictures.... The rest are in facebook.

But yeah Raziv privated his photo album to his friends only, which means my friends can't see it.

Hahahahahah oh well.

Anyway.

I HAVE BEEN EATING A LOT.

No wonder they say jc girls turn out to be more attractive because they will be obligated to exercise. For NAPFA.

Last thursday night I checked on my weighing scale AND TO MY HORROR.......

I HAVE GAIN TWO KG.

And then I was determined to start my diet on Friday.

TO SHED MY TWO KILOS.

BUT THEN.

I was led into the Bistro in TP.

I remembered Shaun tweeting about how good the breaded fish fillet was.

And it was the meal of the day!!!!

TEMPTED TO GIVE IT A TRY.

Germin was trying to get me to get the teriyaki rice instead, which has so much lesser calories.

Of course, with every angel, there is always a devil.

DAREN. He was like, JUST GET IT JUST GET IT.

SO I GAVE INTO TEMPTATION.

Somehow, I got the hugest portion.

But it was good :') NO REGRETS. (the teriyaki one sucked anw hehe)

And then later in the evening.

Was supposed to head down to Kallang Macs again to study.

BUT

losing $20 in poker rendered me moodless.

And Ashton lost $35.

SO BOTH OF US WAS MOODLESS.

See what money can do.

I lost to Daren ugugughghghghg but at least he still has a heart to treat Ashton and I.

P/S: I played poker just for the fun of it.

So both of us decided to tell the other two that it's cancelled.

And I guess Germin was feeling 'wth' : o

Because she was telling me to not go for poker.

But I did..... So it's really my mistake : (

Maybe we'll go again next week.

So.

I woke up to mindlessly studying on INTROCA.

Till my sister came home with CHICKEN RICE.

AND KOI!!!

So much for my 'diet' :'(

BUT IT WAS GOOD :')

I'M SO GONNA GET KOI SOON AGAIN.

Haven't got it for a really long time.

And then today...........

Had heavy lunch.

The fried rice could feed two people I swear.

So I threw like 1/3 of it away.

Floorball training was tiring......

But it was good.

I swear if we trained like this in BDS.

We will definitely achieve better standards

and win some schools that defeated us.

Yada reached home.......

CHECKED ON THE WEIGHING SCALE.

OMG, I LOST 1.3KG!!!!!!!!!!!

:')

SO GUYS.

The morale of this post is

YOU CAN EAT MORE

BUT YOU MUST EXERCISE MORE!!

:)))))))))))))

LOL.

Many things have been running through my mind since I've entered poly.

I need to clear my mind on all these stuffs and start studying for the term tests.
Oh anyway, I got an A for my math quiz (although it's only 16/20) and A for WRTORAL.
God's Blessing :)
But I'm totally expecting a C for my FACOM quiz :(
Anyway

I gotta really strive hard cuz I'm totally unfamiliar with all my core modules. :(

So I declare next week as a hardcore studying week.

God please help me. I need wisdom.

Gonna off the comp and start studying now.

The disappearing act.

2011-05-23T08:22:00.000-07:00

The first month of school has been great. I'm blessed to have classmates who I can get along well with and just be totally who I am. Myself. I'm beginning to feel open-minded about my mates smoking, because it seems like a normal thing in poly now. I just hope that I don't go astray.

Poly life is totally different from secondary school. It's like, you're placed somewhere when you're the only person who could help yourself. In a way, it forces you to grow up. Like, no one would order you to come for makeup lessons if you skipped or did very badly in something. In this case, you have to be your own 'Ms Abraham' (My school DM). Hahahaha.

I'm still quite afraid though. I'm still trying my best to grasp all of the modules, but I end up struggling or giving up. This can't go on, I'm quite aware that I'm currently at the back of the pack. I really really wish there was POA in this course, because I know I'll handle it well. Whatever happened to AMS being under business, where all business courses would learn the same thing during Year1? I feel so cheated.

Anyway, TP is really really small. Many mutual friends, and people I've seen before. And not excluding the size of the campus. The only leisure facility is the freaking library. Unlike SP/NP, which has so much more to offer. At the same time, it could be quite big because I don't really see many people from BDS around in a day. Unless there's some sort of event luh, but otherwise, only a couple of them. And sometimes I just feel friendless because my classmates would rush off to meet their other friends, while I don't. But Thank God I have some classmates who would just stick around with me. :)

Well, I kinda learned my lesson from primary school. I really really want to remain as close to my good friends I made in secondary school. Because it really sucks to see good friends who turned into hi-bye friends just due to the fact that they don't see each other as often anymore. I don't believe in the one-sided act.

It just seems that I'm drifting away from everyone. Yet on the lighter note, I'm really glad that I could talk to many people I just met easily. It just makes TP a more heartwarming place to be in. Maybe that's just the way I am, I'm always moving about, moving on.

Happy stuffs, Friday nights are gonna be more awesome. Last Friday night was really grrrrrrrrrrrrreat with Germin, Ashton and Jia jun. We opened our books and was on the same page for the whole night........ We end up talking all night long. I wasn't feeling sleepy at all, I didn't had any energy drink like red bull or coffee. That's how much I enjoyed the time spent because normally I'd doze off in the middle of the wee hours. I'm really happy that I'm gonna stick with my class all the way till graduation : )

K, time to study................................. Approximately 2 weeks more to term test. And half of 2011. Time flies really quickly.

All over again

2011-04-20T06:35:00.000-07:00

TP WEEKZERO ORIENTATION!

Well, quite average I guess. I heard the FOW/FOC was so much more better. (I signed up for the FOC but gave it a miss because I fell ill ;( And partly because I wanted to go back to Bedok South for speech day!)
Ah, nevermind. I guess I'll be one of those GLs next year. I'm very much look forward to playing that role.

Back to weekzero.
Okay, whatever it is, I could tell that the facilitators were trying their best to make the orientation enjoyable for us, but somehow... The mood isn't there :(

Anyway since I'm in an engineering course, there's typically very few girls..... And it's true. There's only 6 girls in my class.
I realised that I have a steady decline of girl classmates.

Primary school, whole class girls > Secondary school, half the class > Poly, about 20% of the class population.

Being the minority, all of us instantly clicked together as one and I wanna know them better! And of course, the guys which most of us girls inadequately interacted with. Oh well, wait till for the school term to start. Just wait for it....... Oh!!! And yeah in the same class as ZX and KS too! A blessing :)

But as from what I'm seeing now, I'm totally fine with sticking with my coursemates for three years :)

Gonna be a busy week, last day of orientation tmrw, Good Friday, SMU on saturday and baptism on Easter Sunday! Oh! And I'm still contemplating a visit to the flea this saturday I guess, with my coursemates! Heheheh.

New York/Canada/Bintan

2011-04-08T05:43:00.000-07:00

It feels great to be away on a big holiday..... Just what I needed before the start of everything new.
Needless to say, I'm having absolutely no mood to blog, I guess I'm still tired from everything. Anyway the air flight seriously suck! (P.s. The motion-sickness have very little effect, in other words, don't work for me) I'd rather take a ferry anytime man.

However as expected, my first trip out of Asia was just so-so..... because there wasn't much company. Basically, I was a loner. Imagine: Three senior citizens, me and a road trip in Canada. Uncle, Aunt and I in New york. Uhhhh huuuhh. A huge generation gap. They were very friendly and hospitable, but you can kinda imagine how I felt because I obviously don't actively participate in what they talk about. And I wasn't really satisfied with just basically sightseeing. Didn't do much activities, and at one point, I missed the chance to snow skii so I got pretty upset, yet I couldn't throw a tantrum because I should be glad that my aunt brought me there.
Furthermore, I didn't had the company while my aunt had hers. Soooooo..... yeah. Just felt that it could have been better if my sister or a friend is at least there. But I've come to liked my uncle and aunt better!

So I was pretty excited to come back to Singapore and spend the few days in Bintan. With company! Well as expected, it went pretty great! But then again, I felt that we could have used some time to do something better. If we weren't so budget-constricted..... I swear I would have went snorkelling. HAHA.
But yes, the beach, sun, sand, waves, kayak, HOTEL, and most importantly, company, was pretty awesome. The spa was a whole new experience, but it turned out a little disappointing.... As you know, I, ahem, work in quite an expensive spa. Hehe. I mean, I know it would have lower standards.
BUT I LOVE THE BODY SCRUB. Felt so clean after exfoliating all those dead skin cells!

There's a lot more to write about, but I guess I'll stop here because I'm starving. It's 8.42PM and I haven't had lunch and dinner after a light breakfast. (Poor tummy, it was so well-fed in America.)

SO BYE BYE!

Miles away.

2011-03-20T00:58:00.000-07:00

HI SUP GUYS!!!! I'm feeling pretty excited for my upcoming trip to NEW YORK CITY. That's right, the big apple.

It wasn't even planned at all.. It's just that my aunt was driving me home from work a couple of days ago and asked if I wanted to go to New York. Of course, my head was already screaming yes! It was just as simple as that. And yesterday she just booked the tickets for the flight tomorrow, and she purposefully arranged the date for the return flight just one day before my bintan trip. Woooooooahhhh happening only. Hahahaha.

But my brain was too slow to think of other stuff when I said 'yes'.
1. I didn't consider about the price of the flight.
2. I didn't consider about the air flight, because I suffer from travel sickness. (2 hours in it already make me feel miserable, what more 22 hours worth of flying!?! Ok, make that 44 including the return trip.)
3. I didn't consider about my work duty.
4. I didn't consider about the clothes I need there.

Problem number one solved.
I initially backed out after I heard about the price, before my aunt was about to book the tickets... She wondered why and only when I said the ticket alone was already too expensive, and she was like, who says you have to pay for it? HAHAHAH. SOLVED. ^^

Problem number two.
Travel sickness. (I'm already feeling all tired and sick, and sense nausea building up now just thinking about sickess and airplane. Not cool.)
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I did a little research for some remedies.. And I found some!

I heard gingers help.

Nah, the strong might be too strong. Anyway who carries a ginger onboard!?

Lemons?

Maybe it works on certain people. And maybe I'm not that certain people, so uh, no.

This option might be safer, but it makes me drowsy.

Isn't it a perfect time to feel sleepy for a 22 hour flight? So yep, got it.

But the problem is I'll feel tired.

Travel sickess bands......

Not convinced, but I was at guardian yesterday and bought it.

It's 'clinically proven', so I just bought it. No harm trying.

My aunt told me to get these, but I just couldn't find it :(

And.... this!

I just bought ear plugs because it was cheap. Anyway, did some research on it and it might be of some help after all! :)v

"What Causes Motion Sickness?

Your inner ear. According to WebMD.com: "Motion sickness occurs when the inner ear, the eyes, and other areas of the body that detect motion send conflicting messages to the brain."

However, I found a natural remedy too: The psychological buzz.

"If you're distracted, then the upper, more advanced part of your brain is distracted and suppresses the nausea and vomiting reflex. If you're focussing on this nausea and motion sickness you're feeling, then you're going to feel much more severe," says Dr Nicolantonio."

No wonder I was feeling perfectly fine (referring to my travel sickness) on the trip back from Indonesia this year. My emotions engulfed my sickness on the plane.
Okay, I guess problem two is pretty much settled... (?)

Problem three....... made me feel really guilty.
I'll be in NY enjoying myself.... while my sister, Christy, would have to cover my duty. So she has to go to work like EVERYDAY........ I know the feeling of going to work everyday and the thought of earning more doesn't cover up the sucky feeling you get.
Money can't buy time.
So..... I promised her that I'll cover some of her shifts (free labour, which means, she won't have to give me some of her pay) in April. (Which is also everyday, and it was against her will because she was completely shocked that she EVEN had to work in April.)
And.... I'll get her some nice things in NY. MUST.

Not really solved..... But ok. A little bit of compromising here and there... but it was all due to my decision in the first place. So I still feel guilty.

Problem four... THE CLOTHES.
It's gonna be really cold there, and 18 degrees celcius (air-con) is already enough to make me feel cold and miserable. Checked the weather forecast in New York, and it's gonna be <10 DEGREE CELCIUS.
OKAY HOLD IT! I know you're gonna like probably say, just wear some thick clothes la!!!!

BUT NO.

I do not have ANY winter clothing. And even if I had to choose a 'winter clothing' from my wardrobe, the clothes closest to that term would be jacket and jeans. Whuuuuuut.

Solution: My mum is gonna borrow clothes from my cousin. (Who is living next door.)
Just need to get her approval now.

Okay, that settles it..... Oh, wait. How could I forget this? This is the most serious problem of all.

I'LL GET HOMESICK~ T.T
I will miss Singapore - The house, the bed, the familiarity in places and things, the security... and the people.
I will miss my parents ok, seriously. (I know right, I'm such a baby. I cried in my shower just because I missed my family, during the p4 camp.)

I'm more matured now, more independent and I'm certainly fine being away for 1 week, but with my friends and all.. But this time, it's just me, my aunt and my uncle in New York. For...... 13 days? :'(+ 1day back home, then Bintan.
Hope I'll be able to take care of myself.....
Ok but I just realised that this isn't some boot camp or whatever. I'M GOING OVERSEAS FOR PURE LEISURE~ And it's my first time going out of Asia ok!!! I can proudly add in 'USA' to my lonely 'places I've been to before' list consisting of only Malaysia and Indonesia. (Pathetic, I know.)

Okay I shall stop now, TIME TO PACK MY LUGGAGE! :)))))))

New York, I hope you're even prettier than pictures ;)
See you people in a couple of weeks xx

Be the change the world wants to see.

2011-03-14T09:14:00.000-07:00

Finally, I know what's missing. I know what's wrong.
With every hurdle, I thought I came out stronger, but I was wrong. It's just that I became less weaker anymore.
It's sad that when you finally realise what's wrong.
This is an unbearable feeling in my heart right now, as I walked the streets alone tonight - That's when I want to be alone. But that's when I wished I had someone. Anyone actually, who cares. How ironic eh? However, I'm sure everyone felt that way before. And it's my turn tonight, how I hate this.

Thinking about everything and anything. I know I have changed over these years, but it's sad to know how different the way people treat you just because you're not the same anymore. I don't blame them anyway.

My eyes just stayed on the path with every step I took, thinking and thinking and thinking. I'm not asking too much, but it's just sad wishing for someone to appear right before you and knowing that it wouldn't happen. Because it's too predictable and rigid. And is it unfair for me to say that you're not trying enough? I don't feel it at all.
And I was thinking, yeah, just maybe. But I'll save that for next time. I'm not being fair this way.

And with that, I can finally say that I'm not afraid at being on my own anymore. Bring it on.

On a lighter note, meeting the girls tomorrow. Omg, I miss them so much. :')

Haven't been a faithful blogger.

2011-03-12T08:27:00.000-08:00

It's been a really long time since I have done a proper post. It was mainly just my thoughts and feelings. And for the first time in a long time, I should really update my current life here.

Okaaaaaaay, just about 1 month left of having all the time in the world, and I'm really used to this free life (and beginning to like it) Despite that, I really can't wait for school to start. Because I gotta move on from my life, and I'm dead sure, I'm not the only one feeling that way. But I'd most certainly will keep my old friends with me, because it doesn't feel good to see friends turning into strangers due to estrangement from distance (what a failure, considering how small singapore is.) Not gonna let it happen for a second time. Meeting new people has always been exciting to me.

Anyway, I really have to do some shopping because I swear by my life, I rarely buy clothes. At the most just once or twice (excluding CNY or other occasions)
Not a fan of shopping, though I wished I love it and know what to buy wisely.Hopefully TP would make me a girl, but not a vain girl.

And I really really hope that I could stay constantly focused in my studies. From now on. This would be much different from O levels, whereby all my screwed up school grades are like pencil which could be easily erased without leaving any mark. This time it's ink and correction tapes is not allowed hahahahaahahh. (Typical me, always coming up with weird analogies)
So it's gonna be a real challenge to stay that way throughout the whole of poly. I WILL FIGHT THAT!

Putting that all aside, I can't wait for April. I shall call it, virgin April.
First time leaving a job, first time going on a vacation with friends, first time going to a live concert, first time going to see the script perform for the first time live. And that's when school starts so it's another first time!

Current Affairs, my condolences to Japan. I'm thinking if I should donate $50...... I'm serious. And really, I don't give a damn about the world ending in 2012. And even if it ends, I have no worries or anything. Had a short, yet meaningful talk with Preacher Gloria today after fellowship, and asked her about all these things happening around the world. I shan't elaborate much and I guess I'll do up a post on 2012 another day cause it's getting late.... But yeah. I don't believe it at all until the time comes.

Okay another disoriented post, but I'm still learning everyday!

l_______l Like an empty cup.

2011-02-20T08:32:00.000-08:00

Work voids me from life. The things I want to do.

It sucks that I still have 1 month to go for full time work, when I'm just part-time all because they need someone.
Yes, even if my job is well-paying, relaxing, and everyone there takes care of me well.
School's better, at least you have your friends there with you and at least look forward to sleep in the morning on a weekend.
But for work, when you mess up, you have to get on your knees and clear up the shit.

You know it's a love-hate relationship when you always dread work the night before, and it's totally fine the next day. It's clearly obvious about which side I'm standing on right now.

//
I thought I was over you yesterday, but today, I realised I was wrong. And then it repeats again, and again, and again, and again. I really wonder what's on your mind, your feelings, whether you moved on, or anything. I don't want to post about how I feel too much, because you don't. And that always leaves me hanging. Yeah I know I don't have the right to know, but I guess I still care no matter what. Sometimes I have the urge to text you, but I'll just restrain myself from grabbing the phone. Maybe I'd hate to see your reply, because you might just reply me out of courtesy. But sometimes I hate you. The environment at work reminds me of you, because I was there when I'm down at my worst, thinking the whole time.
Maybe, that's why I share a love-hate relationship towards work.

However, the cycle stops, and then goes on again. When can this stop for good? I'm trying to destroy this cycle but I can't.

It's suffocating, this whole thing. It's like work. I'm made to sit there the whole time, without moving around a lot. The air-con chills me to the bone. I feel like sleeping but I can't. It feels as though I'm just waiting for my working time to end. But it feels like forever. And all I do is to just stay there and wonder about it. It's just the same.

////
Sometimes I just wish you could tell me what's wrong wherever and whenever. Not to just be tight-lipped about it. Maybe you're used to bottling your feelings up, and I can't force you.
I just want someone whom I can talk to about anything in the world, and he/she would do just the same. It's like I'm the one spilling everything out most of the time.

Disoriented post, but it doesn't matter. More of a rant. And maybe my life now.

The real life me, and virtual me are totally different.
The real life me shows more of my personality, and the virtual me shows more of my thoughts and feelings.
That's why I seem okay. But maybe I'm not, or I refuse to accept the fact that my feelings are wrong.
It's okay.

It's 12.30AM, gotta wake up in 8 hours' time.
Goodnight.

At least I'd still wake up to morning texts, and sleep to goodnight wishes. But it's different huh.

2011-02-04T20:12:00.000-08:00

Some say love is not for sinners
I believe that isn't true
'Cause when I was finished sinning
Love came down and showed me you

What are you doing to me?
I'm so into you
And the hardest part is knowing
That I'll never follow through
You're slowly killing me
And I wish it wasn't true
Cause I'm so into you

Back to square one.

2011-02-03T07:47:00.000-08:00

The reason why I got out of the pit that I've fallen into was not because the love was lost.
I got out of before it's all too painful to. It's better, before things grow cold and one day it just ends like that. Without any proper goodbye, and not having the chance to talk to each other again.
Anyway, I guess I was already prepared to embrace whatever that is gonna come by from the start. Whether good or bad.

Learnt quite a lot out of this relationship. And I guess I'm gonna stick to the status quo. Until He decides to let me realize that someone who is for me, who loves and fears Him.
I'm just gonna be an observer now. Not gonna be a participant. Even if I might stumble along the way.

Anyway work was okay, it just that I dread that place because it makes me think a lot. Feb is gonna be busy because I'll be busy working. Oh well.

I'm looking forward to studying again. I have even considered studying some modules on internet or something before school officially starts, hmm.

January droned by. Finally it's over. Bring it on, February.

I still love you.

2011-01-25T06:22:00.000-08:00

I don't know what else to say anymore..... My mind is in a mess.
I can tell that we're gonna lead our lives well, but it's just when it's gonna be.
I'm sorry but I'm really weak. I'm so sorry that I didn't manage to hold on when I said I would. I'm very sorry that my promise has now turned into a lie.

I just can't absorbed this empty feeling everyday.... Even though I can tell that you're trying to change. When I said things have changed, it means about my trust in you. Whether you really meant those words. We all make mistakes, and for that I should embrace your imperfections and accept your everything from the beginning.

But I'm sorry, I failed terribly. But it just tears me up inside when I know I lost my faith in you. I don't want to see you that way, that might turn into contempt.

I don't know how long it would take.... For this feeling to go away. I feel empty, yet heavy at the same time.
And now, I dedicate these songs on my blog, to you.

"You're still a part of everything I do, you're on my heart just like a tattoo. I'll always have you."

Home

2011-01-24T05:48:00.001-08:00

Never felt as comforting.

Decisions.
What would be the best for the both of us.

Life now.

2011-01-17T19:36:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile since my last update.

It's like, ever since 2011, I had slowly started to lose interest in everything, slowly.
From not having the feel to.... Watch tv series, improve on my chinese language, take pictures.... And such. And sometimes I wouldn't know what to do. Hence, I don't have the feel to post because there's nothing much going on in my life.

Maybe, I know the reason why. A few others know. But most of you all wouldn't know why. And I don't intend to let the whole world know about it.

I just hope that this empty feeling at the corner of my heart would be filled up with something.

And sometimes, I'd still think about it. It still hurts, but not enough to make me cry.
Nevertheless, I still love you... But it's not the same.

P/S: I just need to let this off my chest. And no, I'm not intending to create more problems with this post. I just don't want to hide this feeling and pretend that I'm fully okay.

To an old friend.

2011-01-04T18:37:00.000-08:00

It's been a long while since we have last talked. Ever since you abruptly left, I couldn't understand why you did that and I even resented you. I just don't understand what I had done wrong.
Well, I thought I had moven forward from the... frustration I felt, perhaps hatred. But no. I still held a grudge against you. There was still some sort of lingering resentment in me. Whenever I thought about it, I just don't understand. There wasn't any explanation, just nothing. Not even a word.
Over the past year, I occasionally hear things about you. It was my fault cause each time I hear it, I'd make scornful remarks about you. That's when I still realised I still hold it against you. I apologise for that.

Until a few days ago, I found out the reason why you left. It may sound stupid or ridiculous to others, but I felt it.
It wasn't unreasonable, you were just obeying. And that's good. I just felt that you were unreasonable because I didn't understand. Now I know.
So I would like to say that I had completely freed the grudge against you, and I'm quite relieved. It makes me feel better for not holding against anyone. I'm not expecting this message of mine to change things, like for us to be friends again, but I just feel that I should let you know even though you might not be seeing this.

But if you're meant to see this, He will lead you here some day at some time.

All the best in your future endeavors and keep it up on believing in Him.

Love never fails. But if it does, it was never love.

2011-01-03T18:13:00.000-08:00

This song is talking to me. I can't stop listening to it.

Hurt really hurts real bad.

Wishes and confessions.

2010-12-18T08:41:00.000-08:00

HAPPY SIXTEENTH CYBELLE <3 <3 <3

Apologies for not fully spending your birthday with you.... But I hoped you felt at least something by the surprise ^^ Ok maybe not..... I haven't completed my present to you yet, but I really hope you'd say 'It's worth the wait' with a smile on your face when you receive it!! HAHA LOL. Okay sounds weird.... I suck at dedications and all. Anyway 6 years of knowing you and ongoing, HOHO I LOVE YOU! :)))))) Rocks to be living like 2 minutes away from you!!!!!
Let's wait till Kt comes backkkkkkk till we four spend the last days of 2010 together yeah! (But I'm leaving on the 24th sighsssssss) BBs :)

Update: ANW KT IS BACK FYEAHHHH. It's gonna be a really busy week next week..... Gonna spend it with different favourite groups of friends and of course, favboy. Heheheh :)

Yes, it's official and open now. It feels great for letting this out instead of hesistating and denying llike I used to, because I didn't like the idea of letting so many people know about us. Now, even our parents know about us. Hm, perhaps, to some of you, it might seem very sudden and random like 'o.o'. We've been talking and liking each other for six months now, and finally.

On a memorable night, we were strolling back to my house, as he was sending me home. It was 11.11PM (Okay I admit, the time was altered to make it look nice HAHA. But I swear it was around this time.)
I should have known something was amiss when he walked the wrong direction, and I just let him take me there since he claimed that he knew the route to my house. But of course, in the end, I had to lead him to the right direction because it was getting late.

Honestly, at that point of time, I was feeling uncertain, confused, doubtful and such... About us. We were neither friends, nor strangers, and I wouldn't call us lovers even though we knew that we both had feelings for each other. So we were on a strange level in terms of relationship. You know that 'no-status' kind? Yeah.

That usual slope along my house. We saw it. We walked on it. The cool air was still, we just heard our footsteps.
22..... 24.... 26.... 28. Reached my house. I can bet we were both thinking of the same three words. So what now?
So I decided that I should make a move. 'Uhm.. So yeah, bye and goodnight.'
He replied the same, but as we walked down, he was looking back and I could still remember the look on his face. (Haha cliche much! But seriously.)

'Hey.. wait.'
And that was the start of the perfect moment...... AND THAT'S ALL THAT I'M GONNA SAY.
He popped the question. He did it perfectly. But I just had to screw it up. Hahahaha I'm an idiot luh huh!

I just wrote all that because I felt that it was something worth reading it again in the future. Maybe when I get dementia. Hahahah kidding NO I WON'T GET IT!!! (Crosses finger)
Okay getting back to the topic. I felt a mix of happiness and shock on that night, and tried hard to absorb reality. I felt happier when some of my dear friends felt happy for me too. :)

With every positive thing, there is always something negative. There are always two sides of things. I know that I've tried. And perhaps I may have let some people down. Also, people might judge. No, I don't fault them. There is no right or wrong when it comes to this sort of things. Love is an emotion. Hate is an emotion too. I'm just following what my heart tells me. With every relationship, someone gets hurt in the sidelines. I know I've caused some hurt. But don't you know, I was hurt before, too? I don't think it's worth to throw away any sort of relationship with anyone because of this. And I really appreciate to those who never let this get in the way or had already put this behind them. :) Thank you.

As for now, I just hope that we get to know one another better and learn a lot from our relationship.... As this is the first for both of us. I admit that we don't know each other that well yet, but in time to come, definitely better.

I love you Favian Han :)

(Pictures can wait heeeeeehheeee!)

2010-12-11T07:45:00.000-08:00

I finally had the courage to tell mum and yen about you, they hope to see you someday.

15 hours of work, poor thing.
Love you.

And I really miss my friends.

Fav-ou-rite.

2010-12-07T07:41:00.000-08:00

I know I'm weird...... But why does every moment feel like a scene from a movie whenever I'm with you?
Hahahah but I love it. And I wonder if you're seeing this.

2010-12-07T07:32:00.000-08:00

Even though some activities like taking 3 hours to complete the 'Cooking Mama' challenge which overlapped other activities and taking 3 hours to start the fire for the BBQ, church camp was great this year. We really got to know one another better and open up, okay maybe not for myself but the other quieter people in church. I talked to everyone there. Really heartwarming and I hope it stays this way.

My church may not be as enthusiastic, or have the ability to get the audience fully going. I still think that the grass is greener on the other side. There are many other churches that have the youthful vibes in their songs, speeches and people. Other churches have bands and songs with the likes of planetshakers and hillsong songs. My church only have a piano and hymms. However, unlike before, I think I'd like to stay. Because the church needs us. Who would handle church matters in the future if we all were to change church?

I'm now actually glad. I'm starting to appreciate my own church. I don't regard my church mates as friends. I regard them as my brothers and sisters. God bless them all.

The past week was awesome too. Spent time with some of my classmates :)))) and went out with samn and hwee beng too! It was a simple outing, yet it was a great catch up. The best thing is, we still talk the same. :)

On the flipside, Cybelle is going through a hard time right now. I hope whoever sees this would pray for her, to have a speedy recovery. It felt like something came crashing down on me when I saw her message to me on facebook, just right after I came home from camp. I really feel upset that she has to go through all these :( Anyway babe, you might not be seeing this since you can't use the computer due to your eye, but I have ultimate confidence that you'll be fine but this period would be hard. Count on God, you'll be alright. Be strong, you can hold on to Jonathan and us. We'll be there to support you. I'm praying real hard everyday. Don't be afraid :)

God bless, xx.

Today my life begins.

2010-12-02T08:42:00.000-08:00

I loved the way you looked at me, you loved the way I looked like an idiot.
I was speechless.
Feeling happiness mixed with shock.

I was waiting, but I didn't expect it to be so soon.

I think I saw fireworks tonight.

<3

Please stay this way.

2010-11-27T07:59:00.000-08:00

'The word quench, makes me feel like drinking pepsi twist'
After a few moments...
'Let me ask you something. What would you say if I magically appeared outside your house with pepsi twist?'

It's freezing in the fridge now, since I had just brushed my teeth.

It's all about the small things you do. :)

Fadhilah Bubur

2010-11-25T11:18:00.000-08:00

"As I go on, I'll remember the times we had together. My 4D friends are the greatest I ever had. I love how each and everyone of us put our differences aside just to come together as one big family. I hope as our lives change, we'll still be friends forever. I'm afraid, I'm really afraid of losing all of you. You guys just made my secondary school life worth while. xoxo ♥"

Will miss her loads.

And people don't be jealous. HAHA. This is only my first dedication. Hehe. She posted this as her status on facebook and it occurred to me that I will miss her very much because I don't usually hang out with her. :( Well, will make an effort to. Oooh there's our date. She's my boyfriend. :)

Too busy to blog.

2010-11-25T10:38:00.000-08:00

To like, sit down on my ass for the whole day, sipping a drink.
But.

This is the best holiday ever. And still ongoing. Unbelievable <3
Will really find some free day at home and blog! dopeyfool.bs needs to catch up on my life. I'm just too fast!

The people in my life now are awesome. No matter who or what they are.

You know you have moved on from the past when you had stopped 'grieving' over nostalgia.

I know.
Liberation, physical and emotional.

It wasn't a dream

2010-11-23T08:53:00.000-08:00

Last night was the best night ever.
The most memorable night ever.

I won't bail out on this, trust me. :)
Everything that happened..... Felt like a dream.
Pictures soon.

Trust

2010-11-14T08:58:00.000-08:00

I had a really enlightening talk with ypls today.
It's amazing how God actually planned this talk for me. We happen to take the same bus home, so it was a very spontaneous talk.

Like me, I'm sure a handful amount of students who had just completed their O's are stuck at a cross road. Thinking, pondering, and ultimately, choose which way to go. It seems that all the paths are clouded with uncertainty.

From what I had learnt today, I shouldn't put my worries on the possibility of regretting my decision in the future.

Because it's planned already.

I guess that applies to other things as well.

Is it worth the shot?
I try, I will try for the very first time.

Anticipation. I will need the courage.

Floating through the clouds

2010-11-12T05:40:00.000-08:00

Google search bar: How to grow taller, how to lose cheek fats and how to increase my stamina.

My stamina had dropped by half, oh goshhhhhh. I need to shed the weight that I had gained during the O levels period. Now that O's is officially out, I want it out too!!! Anyway, I admit that I don't have to lose weight. But I'm doing it to be back into my desirable weight range again.

It's for changing those numbers on the weighing scale, not the number of my dress size.

Anyway, I feel like making these clarifications:

I'm gonna laze my life away. And yet attempt to live healthily. I to the r to the ony.
I had decided not to spend money on preparations for prom, besides for mask and hair. Dress & heels - gonna borrow those from my lovely cousin. Makeup - there's no need to seek help from a professional, even though I suck at makeup. Buttttt no fear! God invented youtube and friends ;) Yay save $$$.
My sister had influenced me to like SNSD. I just watch their videos and read their latest news! My likes: Sooyoung, Yoona and Yuri.I like the rest too, but just lesser. Hahahahah I think they're cool. ;) I knowww, lots of rumours about going under plastic surgery and other bad news. But I don't care, they can sing and they can definitely dance!!!
Going to spam drama series and movies. (heehee)
Catch ups, and spending time with my favourite people.
Borrow many books from the library. And read all of it. I need recommendations hehe.
Commitment to God. Buy a study bible. (My bible is the King James Version, and I really can't understand some of the verses. And, I will also need guidance on what to read daily. And perhaps some reflection.)
Learn how to stop all my bad habits and have the courage to do great things.
Take up a job. Maybe as a spa receptionist at my aunt's spa. He he.
Be a better daughter, sister, friend and even stranger. With all that, I could be a better Christian.

And throughout all these activities, I'd better pray hard that I'd be able to do well for O's. I really don't wanna disappoint myself, and more importantly, my parents.

Now, time to indulge in these possibly one of my most liberated periods of my life. Those who are enjoying, party hard. :)

Point no.4 time!!!

So where am I now

2010-11-08T09:34:00.000-08:00

Brutally speaking.......
My life is like a rag doll now.
But it have always been like that, just that I need to rant it out when the solitariness of the situation sinks in at times.
I can't blame anyone because I chose to live my life this way.
Holidays..... Slothing around.
That sounds good.

And perhaps, it would mark the start of something new.

Till I see you again.

2010-11-08T08:39:00.000-08:00

(I miss you, I miss you)
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

(I miss you, I miss you)
(I miss you, I miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)

Being up alone on a late night makes me feel this way.

Mugging on a special day?

2010-10-31T20:37:00.000-07:00

*A poem I have dedicated to Alison Tan. :)*

Halloween is over,
time to shoo away all those zombie lovers,
it's gonna be a bright new night,
even after the sun comes out and shine its light!

It's a special day,
but things aren't going your way,
O levels' A's are currently in the make,
and mugging is the birthday cake.

But don't be sad
if you think today might be bad.
A glint of hope may put your smile in play,
I really hope you will remain happy always!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALISON TAN.
Love you!

Frozen in time

2010-09-15T09:44:00.000-07:00

Posting pretty random pictures, random moments, and of random people that I know :) And really random things.
Okay, posting this on graduation day would be more significant, but oh well. I'm in the mood to do it right now. :)

Kt :-) (P/S: I was wearing her top, and she was wearing my dress)

HAHA I like this picture. When I asked if they wanted to take picture, they readily smiled at the camera. They look so young!

I'm pretty sure you could see the obvious difference between then and now. Oh well!

Even though I don't talk to them anymore, but all was well in sec 2. Great guys in pink, and white. Hahahaha. Maybe I'm wrong, but I guess that they bought the shirts that me and Tingx picked out for them to try on. :)

Let me look for it.........

Haha there!

+++++++++

This is a funny picture!

WANNA SEE HOT BABES?

The boys don't count as one. HAHAHAHA.

:) :) :)

!?!

Who's that behind Hot Babe #2!?!

Boy... does he look familiar. I could be right, I could be wrong.

He looks familiar too.......

Wenjia.

It was pretty fun camwhoring with her crazy thoughts!

These two are the ones who still bothered to really keep in contact with me after I parted ways with them.

Because all of us change, and time changes us, my relationship with them now is quite enstranged I suppose. Reduced to familiar strangers. However I miss them.

They might be seeing this, might not. But still posting this for old time's sake.

In my own opinion, they're the ones whom I was the closest with.

But I still put other old friends some place in my heart. :)

And Desiree too. I was so appalled when I heard an old familiar voice, somewhere in tm a few months ago.

It was her, and that left me flabbergasted.

My best friend throughout primary school life.

Until we had our own friends in primary school. But it doesn't matter :)

Couldn't find our picture!

Sweated it out after ECP cycling. Hahahaha. Sweaty us.

Remember this!? (Hahaha Jazreel! I remember Yt saying that she was super embarassed because you were almost kissing her! Hahahah!)

When we were a married couple. HAHA :)

It's always you me Yt, or you me Jo, but never the four of us together back then! Hahahah although you were recovering from a bad period then, I still hope that you loved our company, Jazreel. :)

I thought I asked her to smile.......

*Hand sign* "O-

Back in 2007 when I called him "Uncle Immie." Hahahhaha.

She looks so ke ai here hehex

Small celebration for Serene earlier this year. Cass Ally Me. She was happy :)
(She did this face on purpose! Haha!)

SPAMMAGE OF PICTURES.
P/S: The weird looking ones, are the results from truth or dare.
I guess I was supposed to upload these on facebook! Maybe some other day.

I wanted to post more.... But it's half past three in the morning already! Better stop. For now. :)

I blog as if O levels are over, but the fact is, there's just no exam for me tmrw -_-
Oh well, back to studying tmrw. I shall upload more pictures after I come back from O levels.

BTW, my old blog link

Couldn't use computer as much anymore!

Just taken!

P/S: BB saved for the last. Hehe. I will try to upload many unposted pictures!

Fork In The Road

2010-09-15T09:33:00.000-07:00

Listen up, little one
We're already ahead of the game
Hurry now, make me proud
I'm still finding the strength to say
Say goodbye, there's no time
Make it worth every minute
And never forget every day

Hey little girl you're on top of the world
You're all that I wanted to know
Never look back, you're much stronger than that
And nobody knows where to go
When they come to a fork in the road

Shout it out, make it loud
What's the best we could make of today?
Wave goodbye, jump in line
Cause it's worth every moment
You'll never forget every day

Hey little girl, you're on top of the world
You're all that I wanted to know
Never look back, you're much stronger than that
And nobody knows where to go
Going home

All the world is so broken
Now that there is no time
All words left unspoken
I'll leave them burning inside
We'll be fine

Hey little girl you're on top of the world
You're all that I wanted to know
Never look back you're much stronger than that
And nobody knows where to go
Going home

No one really knows because
No one really knows because
(Please don't cry. I'm on your side)
No one really know where to go
Going home
No one really knows because
No one really knows because
(Wave goodbye. You'll be alright)
No one really know where to go
When they come to a fork in the road

I like how the songs bring out it's emotion, lyrically and rhythmically. Credits to egg for introducing this song to me!

If dreams were reel/real

2010-09-06T21:24:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had two dreams in one night?
Have you ever dreamt of something good and bad, on separate "occasions"? (in the dream)

Some say dreams are the opposite of reality. While others are believers of de ja vu.
There is another superstition saying that if you tell your dream to others, it wouldn't come true. And vice versa.

Which one would you choose to believe?

Obviously, if one had a nightmare, he'd choose to believe that it's the opposite of reality, as a form of assurance that it would never happen. And if that same person had a sweet cotton candy-like dream on another night, he will shift what he chose to believe and hope something like that would happen someday. (Provided that it has to be a realistic dream of course! Pigs would never have wings.)
However, with every dream or nightmare, there is often a tinge of doubt and uncertainty.

Why?
Because dreams are that mysterious. I can't explain any further than that.

Well, in my case, it would be a contradictory.

I had a nightmare, and a really beautiful dream two nights ago. On that same night.

Dreams are often trivial because it is universal. Everyone in the world would definitely experience it, no doubt about that.

Well, this period of sleep time I had was something memorable.

Firstly, my nightmare.

If you're gonna anticipate aliens, witchcraft, beasts, vampi- oops, I almost forgot that it is under the fairytale trend these days, 2012, or getting abducted in a scooby-doo movie (I had that dream before, no joke.), you are so wrong.

It was a nightmare from my reality.

Before I move on, disclaimer first.

THE FOLLOWING WORDS IN BOLD ARE FICTIONAL. IT NEVER HAPPENED IN REALITY. IT HAPPENED IN MY DREAM.

*************************** START OF NIGHTMARE *******************************
I dreamt that my O level DNT journal wasn't good enough.
It just so happened that one fine day I was in class and Mr Teng barged in and talked to me.
He, being nice, said that one portion of my work wasn't good enough for him to give me any marks.

However, that period was after the submission deadline.
Teachers are given two weeks to mark the students' work. They are required to keep the students' results confidential and are strictly disallowed to call students back to make ammendments in their work.

So he did that, and asked me to do my work on the sly.
So I followed into the design studio (Students are strictly prohibited from that place, since that is where the teachers would mark their submitted work) and opened up my work.

Somehow, my journal was relatively empty!!!!!!

**************************** END OF NIGHTMARE ********************************

If you are a d&t student, you might understand the angst of my dream!
I was very worried about my d&t work the next day. About how I had wasted my time on redundancies, disregarding d&t.

He he, now my favourite part. I was still sleeping then, so that nightmare abruptly shifted to the start of my dream.

That beautiful dream.

I wouldn't explain it in detail, because it's too long, has many loopholes, and the first part of the dream wasn't really that nice. Hahahahah.

*************************** START OF DREAM ************************************
Somehow, I was in a European country with Alison. London perhaps?
We went into the lair of a tattoo gangster for some stupid reason. We wanted to find clues of a missing person, and we were investigating. (I suppose I still can't get over Unriddle ;( )
Then we chickened out of the case, and somehow we had offended the gangster, that he sent out two guard dogs (You know those huge, black dogs!?), AND THEY WENT CHASING AFTER US.

We ran around. I swear I felt my legs wobbling out of weariness and breathlessness, it felt so real. No matter where we tried to hide, the beasts would have a way of finding us.

Strange enough (dreams are always strange, duh), there is a railway in the middle of the tarred street.
So a train came to our rescue!
It came to a halt, and opened the doors for a few brief seconds.

So we seized the chance. And those loser dogs were too late because the train doors were already closed by then muahahaha.

We were in the cabin which just serves seats and tables to passengers.
We, illegally snuck into the train, were afraid of getting caught and thrown out.
So we went towards the back of the train, and there was this Asian guy with a sumo-like figure, half-sleeping.
Somehow we just got acquainted with him.

Then I looked out of the window just to see the train travelling over the waters. Not flying over it, but there was a narrow track designated for the train to travel across the waters.
Soon, we were passing by many European island, and that was when the 'reality' (in the dream) hit me. I was somewhere in Europe!
I didn't panick about getting lost, or the imminent troubles. In fact, I was feeling all kinds of joy about being there!
So, we stopped at the fat guy's homeland, Maldives Island. (I didn't make this up at all, I swear. It was a fact in my dream!)

The island was beautiful.
Blue skies and water so crystal clear, and perfect weather. It has everything, in the name of nature.

We just went exploring and swimming.
But I woke up when I was calling my home about my whereabouts...... URGH.

****************************** END OF DREAM :( **********************************

So I woke up tucked under my quilt in the airconditioned room, with a strange feeling lingering around me.
The dream felt real enough to make me wonder whether it happened or it didn't.
But I evened out the probabilities of the event taking place and concluded that it wasn't real :(

Except the place I dreamt of IS real.

Maldives Island.

I swear again, I had never seen or thought about it.
Maybe I had read the name off somewhere in a textbook or newspaper. And it just so happened that I subconciously registered it.

Did some research about it just now.

Wikipedia.

The Maldives or Maldive Islands, officially Republic of Maldives, is an island nation in the Indian Ocean formed by a double chain of twenty-six atolls stretching in a north-south direction off India's Lakshadweep islands, between Minicoy Island and Chagos Archipelago. It stands in the Laccadive Sea, about seven hundred kilometers (435 mi) south-west of Sri Lanka.

Okay, it isn't located anywhere near Europe......

WOAH, IT'S SO ISOLATED. Scary. (Found out that it was hit by the Tsunami in 2004!)

DUH IT'S SO VULNERABLE.

The Maldives is the smallest Asian country in both population and area. With an average ground level of 1.5 metres (4 ft 11 in) above sea level, it is the lowest country on the planet.^[7] It is also the country with the lowest highest point in the world, at 2.3 metres (7 ft 7 in).^[7]

^{It sounds like a dangerous island.}

^{Read up more of it, and I realised that it really is home to nature. Even the economy depends on fishing and agriculture industries.}

^{Alright, enough talking. Pictures of the Maldives from wikipedia and google!}

^{Breathtaking.}

^{The water there in the picture looks as blue as the colour of it in my dream. :)}

^{And the island looks so much more beautiful in reality!!!!! (Fine..... Pictures sometimes can be artificial. I hope the place looks close to the pictures in reality!)}

Back to dreams, dreams has led to famous discoveries.

Antoine Lavoisier invented the Periodic Table through recurring dreams of the sequence of elements and Giuseppe Tartini composed his most famous work, 'Devil's Thrill Sonata', through a dream.

Here is the wikipedia edition of his dream:

The story behind "Devil's Trill" starts with a dream.
Tartini allegedly told the French astronomer Jérôme Lalande that he dreamed that The Devil appeared to him and asked to be his servant.
The Devil stood at the foot of his bed, trying to bargain for his soul. So Tartini challenged the Devil to a musical duel.
At the end of their lessons Tartini handed the devil his violin to test his skill—the devil immediately began to play with such virtuosity that Tartini felt his breath taken away.

"How great was my astonishment," Tartini wrote, "when I heard him play with consummate skill a sonata of such exquisite beauty as surpassed the boldest flight of my imagination."

When the composer awoke he immediately jotted down the sonata, desperately trying to recapture what he had heard in the dream.
Despite the sonata being successful with his audiences, Tartini lamented that the piece was still far from what he had heard in his dream.
What he had written was, in his own words: "so inferior to what I had heard, that if I could have subsisted on other means, I would have broken my violin and abandoned music forever."

It sure sounds like a myth or folklore! Nevertheless, I love how he discovered his famous piece through the story in his dream. Really amazing.

^{Despite my dream being pale in comparison to Tartini's and Lavoisier's,}^{my very own dream gave me something.}

^{The desire to visit the Maldives.}

It's well-known or a commonplace for tourism but whatever! Dreaming of a real island that I never saw before, instilled a deep sense of intrigue towards visiting it in me. Perhaps it's a sign!

Therefore I hope that I will remember this dream in years to come.
By hook or by crook, this dream gotta come true!

I WILL COME FOR YOU SOMEDAY!

P/S: Screw the DNT nightmare!

2010-09-02T03:28:00.001-07:00

You're better then the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler than the flip side
Of my pillow, that's right

Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where
You send me, lets me know that it's okay
Yeah, it's okay
And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

It came from the thoughts.

2010-08-28T10:17:00.000-07:00

Love is the antonym of hate.
Hate is the antonym of love.

Love to hate.
Hate to love.

I have long realised that both words are synonyms of hate.

Love to love.
Hate to hate.

I have just realised that both words are synonyms of love.

Food for thought:

So whoever said unlike poles attract?

Does that mean that there is always hate in a love-hate relationship?

Okay, those lines were just rhetorical questions.

Magnetism said that unlike poles attract.

Well for the latter, love always comes before hate, in that case.

Through personal experience, it is quite a perilous thing.
Since it starts with love, it ends with hate. You get tired of it through that vicious cycle and the constant uproar of emotions. Just like a pendulum ball, swinging to and fro from the extreme ends endlessly.
But surely, it will come to a stop someday.

That is when hate, fades. And love, too.

However, that was just from my perspective.

Contradictory, I would say.

However I'd go with the synonyms of love. In spite of the fact that I might never learn how to stay composed or stand strong against haters, I decided that it is better to stay as silent as possible and forgive more instead.
But saying that is one thing.
Adhering to it is another.

So I will keep trying.

I have no idea how or why I wrote this. Initially, I logged in just to update about the life revolving around me. And hey presto, I tapped the keyboards without thinking too hard.

So I presume, this is the feeling of inspiration.

P/S: Got inspired from Elvin Ng. Love reading his blog. :)

Coz it really matters

2010-08-24T21:56:00.000-07:00

To anyone viewing this:

Here's a smile for you.

Breathe.

2010-08-23T07:38:00.000-07:00

Never knew the ride home alone, would make one feel so lonely.
You walk past familiar faces.
You walk alone.
Wondering what's real
Even the trees seem artificial.

A text that makes the demarcation between truth and lies to blur, sets you thinking, and then comes assumption.
Intensified the physical loneliness.
And you decide it's wrong to do so and quickly dispose the idea of it.
But at least the other text could make you feel okay.
Wondering the odds of what lies ahead.
And you indulge in a comfortable, quiet ride home.
Staring out at the window
Thinking. Comforting.
Assured yourself that you're not alone
For God's always here

Suddenly realisation dawns upon you
Just like noticing the first crack of light from sunrise
Take a look around the bus
You are not the only lone soul
Not everyone has company
They are alone too
What's more, there's someone out there
Who is worse off than you
And soon, the dark feelings comes to a halt.

All I wanna say is that, when loneliness strikes, always remember, that you've got company, the company that comes from others who are feeling as lonely as you.

Tonight, I'm dreaming of all the things that we could do.

2010-08-10T05:32:00.000-07:00

HI I'M BACK <3 <3 <3

I feel more comfortable here than tumblr, it seems to me that tumblr is just a site for sharing quotations and pictures..... Nah. I don't have any tinge of any sort of linguistic skill in my blood. So I don't make the cut for it. Even though I appreciate cryptical and descriptive texts. Oh, and puns too. :)

But I will just leave my tumblr floating around cyberspace as it is. Hehe.

Anyway I can't be bothered to change the skin now. Too busy for that. Perhaps next time!

Can't wait for o levels to end.

Throw it away, forget yesterday

2010-03-29T05:31:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna try tumblr.
Anyway I just felt like I should move on from this space.
Sayonara.
I might miss this so everything stays here. It's still here. But you will never be able to find it.

www.dopeyfool.tumblr.com

Don't expect anything amazing.